Nuking the family, rebuilding the village
FIELD NOTES
By Rev. Allie McDougall
THE SEASONS of Christmas and Epiphany offer us a natural entrée into reflecting on the spirituality of infants and children.
At this time, we give special attention to the infancy of Jesus and His (to put in modern parenting terms) milestones – birth, circumcision, presentation, epiphany, and His passage into ministry at the time of His baptism. These are festivals that highlight the significance of the very young and innocent in the plan of salvation, their rightful role in the conversations of the Church, and God’s intention to bless humanity through the gift of children. Children matter to God, so much that He became one. This should be a point of loud proclamation on the Church’s part, at a time when rising numbers of young people are declining to have children and families are struggling to survive under the increasing cost of living.
“It takes a village to raise a child” is an adage that is well-intentioned but has been largely abandoned in recent years. The pandemic intensified loneliness and isolation across demographic groups and families with children faced their own set of issues.
Lack of postpartum community support elevated maternal mental illness. Remote school and work taxed parents’ ability to provide financially and support learning. Women exited the workforce in droves to respond to the demands of the home and are struggling to return to their old careers. The expense of raising children under economic strain has turned the possibility of having a child into a luxury for those who can meet the financial expectations of a capitalistic society.
The myth of the nuclear family has essentially died. The model of one parent in the workforce and one working in the home is not attainable for most Canadians. Two or more incomes are required to meet the basic needs of a household with growing children.
The answer to these pressing concerns mustn’t be continued birth rate decline and pessimistic misanthropy about the future. Children are not a special interest group; they are not expensive lifestyle accessories. They are us.
Our theological grounding as Christ-followers depends on the Incarnation, of Jesus entering our humanity in the form of a helpless infant. The care and nurture of children should be at the forefront of the Church’s priorities, yet preoccupation with aging congregations and bemoaning the absence of children we don’t have prevents this from happening.
Every Anglican church wants more children, but do they want to exert the effort that’s required to minister to their needs? Children are typically loud, often sticky, and frequently oblivious to their surroundings. This is not conducive to the worshipping environment prized by typical Anglican sensibilities. Hospitality to children must be more than tolerating their behaviour (at best) or siloing them in a disused nursery or Sunday school room, which is not the gesture of care that it used to be.
Educating children in the faith and incorporating them into the life of the church is effortful, but not impossible. For as much as kids enjoy being “entertained”, they also thrive off music, symbolism, ritual, and activity, which our liturgical tradition is well-appointed to offer.
Not every parish can offer a flashy, elaborate children’s program but they can give great thought to how children are supported in the life of the community, make commitments to supporting parents, and consider ministry to children in their annual budgets. Ministering to children is something that must be done by all orders of the Church and should not be foisted upon parents as another expectation to live up to. This is not a natural inclination in many parishes, but to overlook children and families entirely is not going to foster seeds of cultural change.
As a mother of a toddler, I can vouch for the desperation that young/new parents feel to be connected to a village. One needn’t speak to a parent for very long to realize how burned out, frustrated, and anxious many people are as they navigate a system that is hostile to supporting healthy families across tax brackets. Safe, trusted adults who show an investment in their children’s well-being are at a premium, as are mentors in childrearing and household management. The power of a church community that is prayerful and supportive beyond the Sunday service eases the burdens that parents feel and affirms to children that they have value in their worshipping community. The age of the privatized, nuclear family that keeps to itself is gone, if it ever truly existed. The village must be rebuilt to stand in the gap, for the sake of parents and children alike. Our future as a common human family and as the family of church depend on it.
Rev. Allie McDougall is the Vicar of St. Paul's and St. Stephen's, Stratford.
Photo: Manuel Schinner/Unsplash